Being that it was Mother’s Day yesterday, I just wanted to share a few things that have been on my mind about being a mom lately….

PC: Terra Nyce Photography

There’s times I can’t even imagine what my life was like before I had a baby. I have no idea what I did with all my free time, how I worked out with a full time job, and where all my money went. Just the other day, I had a friend watch my almost-2 year old, but I found myself checking my back seat only to see her empty car seat, but out of habit I continued to do it.

Having a baby was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I gave up a job that I absolutely loved. I gave up having my husband all to myself. I gave up time. So much time. I gave up the ability to just get up and leave, anytime I wanted, to go anywhere I wanted, without a care in the world. I gave up my body. I don’t think it will ever be the same, but you know what. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Being a parent is right up there with being another hard thing in my life. I saw this on Pinterest one day, and I laughed SO hard. Partly because I was sleep deprived because my little 2 month old baby wouldn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time, but mostly because in those short 2 months, I realized it was SO true.

I’ve had demanding jobs. I worked for a few summers doing Mosquito Control: 9-5, sometimes late at night too, walking around outside in the 100 degree desert heat, checking wetlands for mosquito activity, getting eaten alive. Oh yeah, it was a blast.

I worked retail for years. Dealing with crabby people, trying to make returns on something when they didn’t have a receipt for, or the item wasn’t even from the store, or they were just jerks and putting on a smile because that was my job when I really just wanted to punch them in the eyeball.

I worked pest control. Crawling under people’s houses, in their attics, checking for termite damage, removing nasty hornets nests, practically living in a bee suit one summer with record breaking temps (I was stinky), and having to still deal with crazy people.

Then it was working in the dental office. I love that job, but it still comes with it’s issues. People hate the dentist, and I heard about it ALL. THE. TIME. But I had to continue to smile and be happy and keep them calm so they wouldn’t have a panic attack in my chair.

Come to find out, all the things I learned in all those jobs would sure come in handy when I had a baby. Patience, being kind when I just want to freak out, but mostly patience. It was hard when she was a baby. I’ve never been around babies. I am the baby in my family! Besides maybe 2 or 3 diapers in my life, I really didn’t know how to change them, or put them on properly. I didn’t know how often to feed her. I figured if she cried, that’s all she needed (or a changed diaper or just to be held). It was kind of blur through the first 3 months of her life. She was a smaller baby, and because of it, she did wake up every 45 minutes to eat. And I stayed in bed for months. We literally just hung out in our bedroom all day. Binge watching Netflix because I had no energy to do anything. She did eventually start sleeping better around 5 months because one of my older wiser sisters told me “Put her in her own room. That way she doesn’t wake you up EVERY TIME she makes a noise.” I did that, and now she’s a GREAT sleeper, so that’s been great. But I have quite a few friends with babies who STILL don’t sleep through the night around my daughters age, and I feel for them. We’ve been talking about the ideas of having another baby, and I always come back to this. No sleep. Zombie mode. And then I think how hard it was with just one, but this time around I’d have a 3-ish year old AND a baby…

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I really thought I knew what love was before I had a baby. I haven’t ever been one of those people that didn’t tell people I loved them. In general, I just love important people in my life, and so I’d tell them. It didn’t matter if they didn’t tell me that back, I just needed them to know that they were important to me. My mom told me one time “you know you really love someone, when no matter how crazy they make you, you still want to be around them,” and that has rang true for me since I could remember. My family, for instance. Love them, but my sisters make me crazy sometimes, and I ‘joke’ about punching one in the throat (I’d never DO it!) but I love them and wouldn’t EVER want to have to live without them. My husband. He does things sometimes that make me SO, SO, SO mad, but I still want to be with him–after I’m not mad anymore. HA! My baby can be the most unruly, terrible, little demon, monster child, but then she snuggles up to me and squeezes my face in between both her sweet hands just so I’ll say “my name’s Chubby. My mom’s chubby, my dad’s chubby. Even my dog’s chubby” and then she giggles. I thought that I really loved my husband. Then we had a baby, which neither of us had a clue what to do with, and I saw him grow and become this AMAZING dad, and I love him even more than I did in the first place!

Will all of that though, I still can’t believe the love I have for my child. The willingness to do ANYTHING for her. The worry that comes when she doesn’t feel well, or when she get’s hurt, or even knowing that she’ll get hurt in the future when I won’t be able to hold her and tell her it’s going to be ok. Knowing that some day she’ll get to date boys, find a boy that she loves, marry him, and have babies of her own. I think about her getting her heart broken, and only hope that I won’t be one that will do that to her. I think about her being an older, protective big sister-willing to do what she needs to do to take care of her siblings. I love her more than I can even begin to explain. Even when she throws fits, and knees me in the chin, and throws a tablet at my head, and cries for no reason except that I won’t let her have fruit snacks for breakfast.

It makes me so sad when I read about couples who are unable to have children. It kills me to think about not ever being able to have a child, knowing the love I have for mine. Luckily, miracles are possible, and there’s so many ways couples can become families. Be it adoption, or IVF, or heck, even surrogacy. It’s pretty amazing what we can do in this day and age. I can’t image my life without my little family.

It is hard at times, but it’s worth it. I may go crazy when she just wants to play outside 24/7. When she’d rather go play in the mud than watch Curious George inside.

When all she does is say “Side (outside)” if it’s a crappy day out, and we can’t go outside. When she get’s mad because I won’t let her take ANOTHER bath. When I only let her watch Big hero 6 once a day. When she wants to play on my computer when all i’m trying to do is finish editing a session so I CAN enjoy being with her. I just stinkin’ love her.

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She calls me mom. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.