The Struggle Bus

Sometimes it seems like no matter WHAT I do, it’s never good enough.

I can’t be as nice as “enter name here.”

I can’t go as many cool places as “enter name here.”

I can’t DO as much as “enter name here.”

My photos aren’t as good as “enter name here.”

I don’t know about you guys, but when I get here, it slowly kills me. I jump on that struggle bus, and I have the hardest time getting back off.

Even writing this post makes me feel ever more pathetic because I know I just need to put my big girl pants on and get over it. I’ve been treating my clients like gold. I’ve been learning more and more to make my client’s experience the best I can make it. I’ve been doing my due diligence to make sure I deliver timeless photos time and time again. And I get to enjoy what i’m doing for reals!

I feel like the more time I spend on social media, the harder it is.

Lately I scroll for what feels like hours on end. Reading the same things over and over and over, wondering why I even got on the first place. Then I see something that just makes me sad. Someone is going on vacation somewhere awesome. Someone else is planning another styled shoot that sounds amazing. Someone else is working with all these amazing vendors and getting’ love and “exposure” from those vendors when I’ve tried to do the same and failed.

Wah. Someone literally needs to call the wah-bulance. This is getting out of hand.

I’ve been listening to podcasts. I’ve been a part of the Rising Tide Society which is all about community over competition. I love the movement of “her success is not my failure…” from fellow photographers nearby. I love it all, but like I said: Sometimes I hop onto this struggle bus, and I don’t know how to get off.

I think at this point I KNOW what needs to happen. I KNOW I need to spend less time online. I KNOW I need to be more grateful for what I do have, so i’m just going to take a second and recap some of my goals I’ve already accomplished this year, and it’s only March. It’s not for you, friends, but for myself. I need to see this for myself.

• Shooting my goal number of weddings
• Shot a destination wedding
• Growing our Tuesdays Together group!
• Went to Banff
• Focusing on clients and their love story
• Seeing my sisters all together (we’re planning a trip in August and I can’t wait….i don’t get to see my sisters but, maybe, once a year, and it’s never long enough)
• Paying off as much debt as possible! (Crazy things are happening around here, friends! Debt snowball = gold)
• Going on more adventures with Raylee (also, fun things happening here)

Now, I need to look at those things and think how freaking AWESOME that is.

Here’s my own little pep talk, but you can use it for yourself. I wanted to write this down, so I can always come back to see it when I jump back on this dang bus.

Hey you,

I know what you’re thinking. You’re on this bus and you’re never going to be able to get off. It’s been rough. You can’t help but think of all these things you don’t have, or can’t do, and well, cupcake:

KNOCK IT OFF.

Just stop it. You have a family that you love, and that loves you back. You have an amazing hubby that would move mountains for you if he needed to. You have a baby girl that adores you, and you get to be her mom! You have this growing business! You get to be your own boss! Work your own hours. Decide how much you want to work, and then work your tail off when you do. You get to share special moments with your clients, and document that for them! AND THEY CHOSE YOU! They didn’t choose photographer A, B, or F. They chose YOU! Your eye, your look, your editing style. YOU! For poop sake. YOU!

You have been comparing yourself to all these other people and it’s not fair to do it to yourself. It’s not. You do have a family to take care of. You can’t run off alone on a crazy adventure because your family needs you. Your kiddo needs you. She needs you here to love her. To make her laugh. To dry her tears when she gets hurt.

Listen, here’s going to come a time when she doesn’t want you to comfort her. She’s not going to want to talk to you. She’s not going to want you to hold her when she’s sad. Embrace that now. Hold her close. Love her fiercely, and dang it, be grateful that you are able to stay home with her during this time.

There’s people out there who see what you do and only WISH they could have it. They wish they could stay home with their littles. They wish they didn’t have to go to work every day and still barely make it by.

Be grateful for what you have. Stop being such a poop and realize that what you have is pretty amazing.

Be humble. Be grateful. And quit jumping on that stupid struggle bus. Stop comparing yourself to other’s highlight reels online. Just stop.

Love yourself. Give yourself grace. Squeeze Raylee hard. And remember why you’re really here.